His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
