maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
