I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
