I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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