Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
