My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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