new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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