I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
