dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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