Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
