i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
