I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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