he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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