Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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