So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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