Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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