Who wears a wallet chain?!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
