You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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