It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
