No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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