Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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