plz talk dirty to me
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
