Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
