i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
