you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Please don't give away my fajitas
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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