If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i've created a new STD.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
