I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
