Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
