You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
