So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
