Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
