I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
