Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
