My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
