Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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