I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
