i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
