once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
