I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
