3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just invented taco cereal.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
