I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
