I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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