I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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