Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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