Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
