My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
