I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
