I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
