Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
