Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
