he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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