I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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