btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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