I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I touched a dick in church today
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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