Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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