Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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