Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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