I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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