Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
