grandma shit on top of the toilet
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
