my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
