Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
