I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
