I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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